# ESCAPING THE L’ORANGE ERA > POLITICAL FUCKERY. MAKING MOVES. KILLING THE BULLSHIT. ## Posts - [Eric Schmitt Jack Smith Hawks Hawkeyes: A Conspiracy That Tripped Over a Mascot](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/eric-schmitt-jack-smith-hawks-hawkeyes/): Previously on The Young and the Perjurious…Starring Eric Schmitt Jack Smith Hawks Hawkeyes: A Conspiracy That Tripped Over a Mascot A senator. A special counsel. A basketball game nobody attended. And a secret so explosive, it could only be unraveled in a Senate hearing room — where truth goes to be waterboarded and dignity goes to die. Our story opens in Washington, where Missouri Senator Eric Schmitt has spent weeks piecing together a diabolical puzzle. He has text messages. He has suspicions. He has the burning eyes of a man who has just discovered string and a corkboard. The pieces all... - [REMOTE RETAIL CONSULTING BUSINESS: TURN WHAT YOU NOTICE INTO PASSPORT PROFITSS](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/remote-retail-consulting-business/): I can walk into a beautiful boutique, admire the products, speak to the owner, and still notice within ten minutes that something is not connecting. The packaging may look expensive while the display looks temporary. The Instagram page may be gorgeous while the website feels like it belongs to another business. Customers may enter, browse, compliment everything, and quietly leave without buying. Most people call this “something feeling off.” A remote retail consulting business turns that vague discomfort into a clear, useful, paid strategy. This Passport Profits opportunity is not about opening a store, buying inventory, chasing viral products, or sitting... - [Trump Power Grid Emergency: Apparently Transformers Are Political Now](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/trump-power-grid-emergency-apparently-transformers-are-political-now/): The Trump power grid emergency has officially arrived, which is how I woke up to discover that electricity has apparently become a national emergency. Not the electric bill. That has been an emergency in my house for years. I mean electricity itself. On August 26, Donald Trump declared a national emergency involving America’s bulk-power system, because apparently transformers have now joined immigrants, tariffs, TikTok, windmills, showerheads and whatever else we’re mad at this week. And before anybody starts screaming that this is completely made up, it isn’t. There is an actual executive order. It has statutes. It has definitions. It has... - [NATIONAL PARK SERVICE QR CODE: THE GOVERNMENT ASKED AMERICANS TO REPORT NEGATIVE HISTORY. THAT WENT WELL.](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/national-park-service-qr-code/): Well, y’all. The National Park Service QR code story has landed on my porch, and I don’t know if I can top the bestiality story. I mean, once you’ve written about the federal government, the FBI and the word bestiality occupying the same damn news cycle, where exactly do you go from there? There are ceilings. There are limits. There are moments when a writer has to accept that the United States government has already handed her the Pulitzer Prize of Fuckery and perhaps she should simply be grateful. But apparently somebody at the Department of the Interior said, “Hold my... - [FREE BIRD IS NOW MY PERSONALITY DISORDER](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/free-bird-personality-disorder/): I have recently discovered that “Free Bird” is apparently my theme song. And I mean the whole damn song. Especially that guitar. There should probably be a warning label attached to “Free Bird”: DO NOT LISTEN WHILE ATTEMPTING TO GO TO SLEEP. Because you will not be going to sleep. You’ll start out lying there peacefully, thinking you’re winding down for the evening. Then that guitar kicks in and suddenly it’s 2:17 in the morning, your eyes are wide open, you’ve redesigned your website, outlined three books, invented a company, considered moving to another country, and written down seventeen ideas that... - [FBI + BESTIALITY + US CONGRESSIONAL HEARING, WTF?](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/fbi-bestiality-policy-hearing/): There are certain sentences I never expected to write, and “the FBI bestiality policy needed to be explained to Congress” was near the top of the list. Yet here we are. On September 15, 2026, FBI Director Kash Patel sat before the Senate Judiciary Committee for an oversight hearing. This is the Federal Bureau of Investigation we’re talking about. Counterintelligence. Terrorism. Espionage. The agency that used to be the most decorated law enforcement organization on the planet. And somehow, the hearing became about bestiality. Not metaphorically. Actual bestiality. Somewhere along the way, the bureau that once defined American federal prestige started... - [SHE HAS CHECKED THAT MAILBOX 47 TIMES. THE FICTIONAL GOVERNMENT CHECK IS STILL MISSING.](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/fictional-government-check/): Every afternoon, she approaches the mailbox dressed for financial deliverance. The fictional government check does not exist, but that has not interrupted the ceremony. - [The $5,000 Trump Dividend Is Sitting in the Same Mailbox as Your DOGE Check](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/5000-trump-dividend-doge-mailbox/): On September 9, at the Republican midterm convention in Dallas, President Trump unveiled the $5,000 Trump dividend: a payment, he promised, for every adult citizen, arriving the moment Republicans hold the House and Senate this November. Five thousand dollars. Just glowing there, like the necklace at Tiffany’s that Holly Golightly never actually bought. Ah, America. Land of the free, home of the brave, and custodian of the most spectacular mailbox in the known universe — the one where checks go to be discussed. Now, I hate to be the one to say this. I really do. But some of you may... - [TRUMP-A-PALOOZA EMPTY SEATS: APPARENTLY EVERYBODY HAD SOMEWHERE ELSE TO BE](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/trump-a-palooza-empty-seats/): The Trump-a-Palooza empty seats in Dallas were not necessarily the political disaster everyone assumed. Perhaps the chairs were practicing social distancing. - [Moving Abroad Exit Strategy: Build Yours Before You Pack](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/moving-abroad-exit-strategy/): There is a particular moment when “I would love to live abroad someday” quietly calcifies into “No, seriously. I think I’m getting the hell out of here.” That moment is electric. It can also have you researching apartments in Portugal at 1:17 in the morning when you have not even checked whether you can legally stay there longer than three months. That is precisely why you need a moving abroad exit strategy before you need luggage. Moving abroad is not an extended vacation with better produce and prettier architecture. You are relocating your ordinary life into another legal, financial, cultural, and... - [SHAQUILLE O’NEAL HONORARY FBI AGENT: SHAQ, YOU COULDN’T WAIT FOUR FUCKING YEARS?](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/shaquille-oneal-honorary-fbi-agent/): The words Shaquille O’Neal honorary FBI agent were not on my 2026 bingo card. Not even in the little free square in the middle where apparently anything goes now. But on September 17, FBI Director Kash Patel presented Shaq with an honorary FBI Special Agent designation during the FBI National Academy Session 299 graduation in Quantico, Virginia, and once again America has handed me something I did not ask to process. I read it. I closed the internet. I reopened the internet because surely I had misunderstood something. Unfortunately, my reading comprehension remains excellent. Before anybody starts screaming, Shaq did not... - [Trump Tariffs Canada: The Grocery-Aisle Cold War Nobody Asked For](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/trump-tariffs-canada-grocery-aisle-cold-war/): America and Canada have decided that peace is overrated when there are appliances, cheese, and household essentials available to be drafted into a trade war. Trump tariffs Canada with a staggering 50% duty, and Canada — the country whose national sport involves apologizing after body-checking someone — looked back and said, “Oh, you wanna play? Here’s your tariff.” Let that sink in. Two countries that share the longest unprotected border on Earth — a border so friendly that people used to just walk across it to buy cheaper prescription drugs and better poutine — have now reached the diplomatic equivalent of... ## Pages - [TODAY'S EDITION](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/todays-edition/): POLITICAL FUCKERY. MAKING MOVES. KILLING THE BULLSHIT. ESCAPING THE L’ORANGE ERAREAD MORE → PASSPORT MOVESREAD MORE → THE DAILY F WORDLISTEN NOW → - [Refund and Returns Policy](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/refund_returns/): This is a sample page. Overview Our refund and returns policy lasts 30 days. If 30 days have passed since your purchase, we can’t offer you a full refund or exchange. To be eligible for a return, your item must be unused and in the same condition that you received it. It must also be in the original packaging. Several types of goods are exempt from being returned. Perishable goods such as food, flowers, newspapers or magazines cannot be returned. We also do not accept products that are intimate or sanitary goods, hazardous materials, or flammable liquids or gases. 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Frankly, it’s a better operating system than most people have been sold — and Rocky doesn’t even have thumbs.... - [Terms of Service](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/terms-of-service/): Effective Date: August 1, 2026 Last Updated: August 1, 2026 Welcome to Escaping the L’Orange Era & Beyond. These Terms of Service govern your access to and use of this website, its publications, digital products, downloadable materials, resources, and related services. By accessing this website, purchasing a product, downloading material, subscribing to content, or otherwise using the website, you agree to these Terms of Service. If you do not agree with these terms, do not use the website or purchase its products. 1. About Escaping the L’Orange Era & Beyond Escaping the L’Orange Era & Beyond is a digital publication and... - [THE DAILY “F” WORD](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/the-daily-f-word/): The English language has failed us. Not entirely — it’s perfectly adequate for ordering coffee, filing taxes, and apologizing to strangers’ dogs. But for the specific, spectacular, institutional-grade nonsense we wade through every single day? English just stares back at us, shrugs, and files for early retirement. For those moments, there is no word. Until now. That is where the Daily Fuckcabulary comes in. Listen & Save You can also find the Daily Fuckcabulary on your preferred platform. Save it. Subscribe. Share it with somebody whose emotional vocabulary is currently limited to “I’m fine.” • Spotify • Apple Podcasts • YouTube... - [CONTACT THE UNFUCKABLE TIMES](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/contact/): If you are here to work, collaborate, pitch something useful, talk business, talk travel, send a story lead, or report an especially egregious case of political fuckery, you are in the right place. If you are here to send a 900-word press release about a product nobody asked for, let us both remain strangers. Email: hey@escapingthelorangeera.com BUSINESS, STRATEGY & BUILDING SOMETHING REAL I help turn ideas that do not fit neatly into categories into clearer, functioning business systems. That can include offer development, revenue strategy, AI and automation, content systems, customer-acquisition planning, Pinterest strategy, digital products, launch planning, and identifying what... - [ABOUT](https://escapingthelorangeera.com/about/): THE UNFUCKABLE TIMES is what happened when I stopped pretending all of my interests needed to fit inside one respectable little box. I’m Kimberly Ann Hawes: writer, business strategist, cultural commentator, visual artist, professional side-eye distributor, and a beautifully dressed loner with a documented preference for animals over unnecessary human interaction. I study the political circus, then research the exit strategy. I look at business and find the money hiding inside it. 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The matte black frame that’s made from wood from renewable forests adds an extra touch of class. • Ayous wood .75″ (1.9 cm) thick frame from renewable forests • Paper thickness: 10.3 mil (0.26 mm) • Paper weight: 189 g/m² • Lightweight • Acrylite front protector • Hanging hardware included • Blank product components in the US sourced from Japan and the US • Blank product components in the EU sourced from Japan and Latvia How to attach hooks on 24″ × 36″ horizontal frames: Place each of... ## Optional - [Agent (MCP protocol)](websites-agents.hostinger.com/escapingthelorangeera.com/mcp) [comment]: # (Generated by Hostinger Tools Plugin)